Phunkin' Photoshop: Making Room

This thing on?

I saw this ad and immediately thought of one of my favorite Schwarzegger line.

Reviewing a Bad Review

I’ve played some Street Fighter II in my day. Can’t say I was any good at it (I wasn’t too shabby with the Marvel versions though). One character I always would pick was E. Honda. He was a strong button mashing character. On those rare occasions where I cornered a player and did the thousand slap move, I would win, then E. Honda would tell his busted face foe:

“Can’t you do better than that?”

Last week my webcomic, Lucky Dawg, was targeted by the website “The Bad Webcomics Wiki”. After a minute of looking at the site, I instantly knew why I was suddenly targeted. I had just begun advertising on the webcomic Exiern. The “reviewer” apparently has hate for this comic because it’s sexual and they have a pay window, so (God forbid!) the creator can make some money. Seeing that I threw a Project Wonderful ad up there, my comic must be “bad” as well. Up on Bad Webcomics Wiki Lucky Dawg goes.

Now Lucky Dawg is up there, but it’s just listed. All the other webcomics on this site has reviews and such on them. Lucky Dawg is just there on a rather blank page with just the “Defining Flaw” being: “Neo-Dark Agean violence excess disguised as a comic.”

I go into this silly statement in a blog post during an update on LD. And in doing so, I had one hope. That my mockery would bait the “reviewer” into writing some more on that blank page. It worked. It made my day.

Gotta say, he didn’t put that much effort into it. Or maybe he did. Maybe he can’t do better than that. I’ll copy & paste:

“Alan Moore surely didn't thought back in 1986 that his groundbreaking deconstruction of the superhero genre Watchmen would set off an avalanche of third and fourth tier copycats rolling over the comic market, burying every classical aspect of the superhero underneath them.

Where classical superheroes were individuals transcending the abilities of the common people, yet always concerned about their sorrows and needs as well as imbued with an indomitable sense of justice, the typical Dark Age Superheroesprotagonists were little more than mindless, musclebound bullies lacking any morals whatsoever who answers to every problem was smashing it to bloody chunks at best and homicidal loons who were downright villains, but could still find some worse to beat up.”

Wow! Mind you, that was only two sentences. If you made the mistake of reading that out loud, I’ll give you a moment to catch your breath from the lack of periods.

Some food for thought, as you suck down that inhaler. He mentions “1986”. Now do you think 1986 is a year he’s lived through or a year he’s only heard of? Hmmm.....

Now, that wasn’t really a review of Lucky Dawg, was it? Merely a general statement on the post-Watchmen modern era of comics. I’m not even sure if that’s a proper representation of Lucky Dawg. Maybe the next sentence will review (don’t worry, it’s a short one):

“Now that the Dark Age Of Comics has ended (or so we're told by the Big Two), you could think comickers had learned rom the mistakes of the past.”

Now learn him!

Is it just me, or does “comickers” sound offensive?

Anyway, I, or anyone else, should not do things because Marvel & DC aren’t doing it? Where is your independent spirit, man? That’s the fun thing about creating. By taking what the big guys are doing and turning it on it’s ear, or going the opposite direction with it. Going to limits they just aren’t allowed to go. Seriously, if you just want to read Marvel & DC, go right ahead. They make excellent comics. Why are you even wasting time online looking at webcomics that aren’t Marvel or DC?

“Cue Adam J. Monetta.”

Yup. That’s my name. My REAL name. I’m not some ominous poster that won’t put his name on his work, even though it tells you exactly how to do it right on top of the page.

“He's… err… some guy. Who wants to make comics really, really badly.”

“Want”? You ding-dong, I am MAKING comics. It’s why you took the time to write this.

“His other crap comic didn't made the cut at Zuda,...”

BZZZT! Wrong again. It did make the cut. That’s why it was on the site in the competition. Zuda chose me. Blood Hunter won the popularity poll.

“...so he went basically "I'm gonna show my Magna Opi to the whole Internet, so it can realize my Epicness and I get published professionally! Natch!"

First of all, it’s Magna Opera. Come on, kid! The internet is right in front of your face. Take a minute and Google it.

Secondly, yeah, that’s the point. If you’ve ever been to a “Breaking In” panel at a con or follow CB Cebulski on Twitter, this is how an unknown writer, like myself, does it. I create, then I display. It’s actually a pretty easy concept to understand.

“Way to got, Mister. They chances that your drivel will…”

Hold on. I need a minute to reboot and process this. The gibberish levels are through the roof. Listen, kid, can I offer some advice? Read what you write out loud. It will improve your output greatly. Okay, let’s try this again:

“Way to got, Mister. They chances that your drivel will see a print release not financed out of your own pocket but by some big publisher tend to nil, but I'm going ahead of myself.”

Two words. Robert Kirkman.

Boom! Roasted!

And there you have it. Absolutely no reason was ever given why Lucky Dawg should be on this Bad Webcomics Wiki site. Just a personal attack on me that was rather weak and poorly written. To my would-be “reviewer”, instead of now angrily creating ten more revisions to the Lucky Dawg page, why not just call it a day. You are not good at this, I’m sorry. Instead of being negative, why not give being positive a shot. Actually enjoy something. Who knows, you might be better at that.

Peace.

Phunkin' Photoshop - LiLo in The Grudge 4

Okay, so I guess she's not going to serve the original 90 days. Knowing celebrity justice, she'll be out by Friday.

And yes, there was a Grudge 3. Never seen it myself.

Phunkin' Photoshop - The Human Lots-a-Lots-a-Leggggggs

Every now and then (& going by this blog, it's more "then" than "now"), I have an idea and fiddle around with Photoshop.

You've heard of The Human Centipede and either seen it, want to see it or make believe that you never heard of it, ever. Now own the toy, The Human Lots-a-Lots-a-Leggggggs.




(Note to the kids: Since you never grew up in the 80s, and I don't think VH-1 has covered the stupid stuffed caterpillar, you won't know what it is. Used the Stretch Armstrong head because he looks like a kind of douche that should be connected ass to mouth.)

2009 was pretty good, the past decade.. ehh...

This past 2009 was pretty good for me. Got an upgrade at work, The Fighting Stranger and Lucky Dawg have been moving smoothly and I actually got through the year without having to make an emergency credit killing huge payment to anyone. Did get hit by that bus though, but that just pissed me off more than it did hurt.

While ’09 was decent enough, the Double-Oh Decade as a whole was kinda “meh”. Worst decade I’ve experience so far. Too young to remember the latter half of the 70s, have some fond childhood memories of the 80s and the 90s were a blast.

Three factors really lead the 00s to be miserable. Bush, 9/11 and Janet Jackson. Bush and the WTC disaster went hand in hand as America has been terrified since 2001. Obviously for a good reason since we still have losers trying to blow their balls off to take down airplanes. Bush used that fear to buy him a second term, which he used to destroy the economy.

Janet Jackson and her stupid nipple sent a wave of censorship throughout entertainment. That edge that was developed during the 90s had to be dulled so it was safe for the kids. Regular radio died because of this. It’s still there, but unless you are under 25 and enjoy listening to the same pop song 25 times a day, it’s really gone downhill. Even my beloved pro wrestling has been made so child friendly that they stop the match if a wrestler accidentally cuts himself.

The past decade was all bad though. The best thing that happened during the past ten years has been technology soaring. Ten years ago, I didn’t think I’d need a cell phone, now I have an iPhone. Big giant bulky TVs and monitors are a thing of the past. Ways to connect with people are evolving and changing every year. And on a creative level, the past decade couldn’t be better.

Webcomics have saved my comic book dream. As a nobody writer with awful artistic skills, I would have no chance in comics ten years ago. I could write a million pitches and the only thing I would accomplish is killing the trees for the paper wasted on those pitches. Ultimately, no matter how good or bad they were, no one would have read them. With the webcomic boom, it is now aware that you can put up pages weekly (heh, hopefully) and people will read them. That is all a true creator can ask for. To be read and/or seen and most importantly, enjoyed. Personally, it’s not about money right now. That can come in time, if ever.

The rise of MMA really helped that violent void that wrestling is currently doing away with. Plus, it’s a legit sport.

Anyway, I’m really looking forward to 2010 and beyond. Lucky & Stranger are quickly nearing the point where I feel it’s time to go to print. I’m going to finally get a website going for them. Not that I’d leave Drunk Duck, but it’s good to have my own brand as well. I also want to do some personal changes to/for myself, but who doesn’t promise themselves that.

So Happy New Year. Hope 2010 is good for you, and if it isn’t, there’s always next year.

A panel preview of the new Zuda project

Yeah, just a panel. I'm cheap that way.

Preview of the main character of my new Zuda pitch

Without giving too much detail right now, I'll just say he's the greatest fighter of his time.

And unlike my last Zuda entry, this one will indeed have plenty of action.

Newer Nightmare

Both like to wear hats.

Both wear one glove.

Both have skin conditions.

Both love children, in their own special ways.

Just saying that if your kids dream of Michael Jackson, maybe you should introduce them to coffee.

Where's the Earth Shattering Ka-Boom?

Ah, July 4th.

Time for BBQs, beer drinking and playing with explosives.

Ugh, July 5th.

Back to work. Even worse, we have to clean up after everyone else's good time. And it never fails. They ask you if you want to work the 4th and you say 'hell yeah', because it's holiday overtime pay. And there really isn't too much to do, since during working hours, the public is still preparing to party. But if you take that 4th, expect to work the 5th. On the 5th is when all that party prep has turned into an aftermath. At every park you will find all the blown off fireworks.

Oh yeah, I work for Parks & Recreation. Like the NBC show, except more of a blue collar version. And yes, the show is surprisingly accurate most of the time. I am proud to say that we do not have a rather racist mural toward Native Americans though.

Anyway, I come to work this morning and find the most surprising thing. No firework garbage. Nothing. And for the three years I've been working at this pool (oh yeah, I'm a pool operator, I got the fancy job in P&R) there has always been garbage cans overflowing with burnt mortar tubes and other things on the ground. Then remembered that there wasn't much noise last night. Pop here and there, but that's all. And last night was really nice out, considering all the rain we've been having.

So what's the deal? Not that I should really be complaining, since it makes my job easier. Did they actually crack down on the fireworks this year on Long Island? They are illegal, but people have gotten away with stuff in the past.

Even though I got out of extra litter pick-up, I can't help but be a little disappointed. It just seemed that we (around here, at least) didn't go all out this year. I think next year I'll make more of an effort to blow off my fingers.

Taking Advantage of Perverts

I enjoyed watching the To Catch a Predator program. It's fun watching perverts trying to explain themselves to Chris Hansen, then getting taken down by the cops outside. If you can't laugh at pedophile failure, then I don't want to laugh at anything else.

So weird thing happened today. I got home today and my brother wanted to get the new Prototype game. We checked out Gamestop, but they only have copies for people who reserved the game ahead of time. Didn't order enough, check back tomorrow, blah-blah-blah. Now my little sister decided to tag along for the ride, because I guess there's only so may hours one can stare at Facebook. I came up with an idea. I told her to go ask to see if they had the game. Suddenly, they had a couple extra copies.

Son of a bitch.

I don't think the clerk was quite expecting me and my brother to come over and pay for it. He nervously tried to explain the importance of reserving. He quickly just rung the game up after noticing we weren't interested or happy. Now the perfect line there would have been that I reserve the right to put a boot to his ass, but I was actually fighting back laughter, trying to look serious. Like I said, I enjoy when people mess with pervs. And it's not too often that I get to mess with them personally.

In all actuality, it was a screwed up situation. I mean, this creep was ready to sell a 14-year-old girl a mature rated game. They weren't going to sell one of these "extra" copies to the general public. I'm not worried though. We put a bit of a scare in this guy and my sister doesn't play video games. She's also a black belt, with two athletic older brothers and I'm bit crazy where it comes creating ideas of hurting people. Hell, I'm writer, it's what I do. And judging by the clerk's appearance, he doesn't look like he spends much time outside work and home.

As for the Prototype game, I guess it's good. My brother was playing it four hours straight.

They might have looked familiar...

From Page 37 of The Fighting Stranger...

Superman II: The Rush Limbaugh Cut

Just goofing around on photoshop. Here's the main pic in color.



Yeah, looks better in B&W.

Update on the bus thing...

After over a month of pointless and multiple calls, not to mention a couple avoidments from a face to face meeting with Saftey Sal on his part, I finally got my check for my bike.

I'll say this about the Acme Bus Corp. of Long Island, they apparently can't make a left turn to save their lives or the lives of the poor people they hit.

I just hope they don't take as long with paying the hospital.

Alan Faria Sketches

Alan Faria is taking over the artwork for Lucky Dawg.

Why Can't This Be Simple?

I will never say a bad thing about lawyers and their frivolous lawsuits ever again. The woman that burned herself with the coffee at McDonalds, I now wish her all the best.

Long story short, I was hit by a short yellow bus, I was on my bicycle, totally not my fault, the bus driver was looking right while making a left, hoping to beat an oncoming car, made his turn while I was already halfway across the street and hit me. I saw the bus coming, too late to stop or speed up to avoid it. Luckily for me and my years of watching action movies, I quickly grabbed hold of the rear view mirrors on the front of the bus' hood and dangled as my bike was pulled under the right tire. Banged my knee, bruised my arm, but otherwise I was fine. The bus driver asked me where I came from...

...Which will forever be the dumbest question I've ever been or ever will be asked.

Where did I come from?! Seriously? Where did he think I came from? I'm on a perfectly straight road with no stop signs for me.

Stupid questions aside, the bus driver was a nice enough guy. I did give him plenty of crap about watching where he was going, maybe sitting on a phone book if he can't see over the steering wheel and the fact that he's a licensed professional driver that struck a pedestrian. Cops were called, their "safety" person came down to get my side and took pictures of my bike. It happened on a Friday, so I was told to call them on Monday. Now around here, Monday was a mess with snow. Worst stuff we've gotten all year. I figured with schools closing, it'd be a bad time to call a school bus company. So I called the next day. They didn't have any report of an accident. Sounded suspicious, but I left a voice mail for the head of the "safety" department. Rest of the week, no call. I call them again on Friday, a week from the accident. They still don't have a report and the guy I am supposed to talk to still isn't around. The told me they would look into it and call me on Monday or Tuesday.

Now I've been a nice guy, a real nice guy. Especially considering I cheated possible death or major injury from the irresponsibility of others. From the damage of my bike, where the metal petal crank snapped off, my legs would have been crushed. I'm talking about an inch thick of strong metal, twisted and broke off. What chance would my tibia and fibula bones have?

Monday, no call. Tuesday, no call. I'm ready to stop being the "nice guy" for my call today (Wednesday). But lo and behold, I get a call from an unfamiliar Suffolk County number around noon. I answer my cell only to get an immediate joke from Sal, the "safety" head for the bus company (I guess, it's at least what they told me). I know it was a joke, because after a moment of silence and a "What?" from me, he told me it was a joke. I was a human hood ornament and this guy has jokes.

This is probably my fault. I've been that nice guy to Sal's secretary, so I figured she told him I'm friendly. Thing is, why would I be mean to the secretary? She didn't hit me, she didn't take a week and a half to get back to me and she sounds cute. I assume she takes the brunt of anger from all the other frustrated people this companies buses run down. I feel no need to make her job any harder.

Back to the phone call. I explain what happened to me. He wants to look at my bike. Fine. I told him I get home from work at 3:30. He says he'll call when he's nearby. Fair enough. I decide to leave work an hour early, because I don't want to come home with this guy in my driveway. A little after 3, I get a call from the same number. I figured it was a good thing I got home early, because he's calling early. But it's not him. It's his secretary. Sal has to cancel. What a pain in the ass. Fine. When can we reschedule so I can plan to take a day off from work. They aren't sure, because Sal has some kind of busy schedule, with meetings and all, and they'll get back to me.

The head of the "safety" department is too busy to deal with SOMEONE WHO GOT STUCK BY ONE OF THEIR BUSES!!! Are you freakin' kidding me?! All I want is money to replace my bike, maybe a little extra for having to deal with a sore arm and knee, which probably cost me an opportunity to get some overtime in snow removal for the two days I took off and mail in their insurance info to the hospital that took x-rays of my knee. I'm not talking millions of dollars, I'm talking about less than a grand. Why do I have to go through this stupid game?

Every day since the accident, everyone from my family to my co-workers have been telling me that I should play up my injuries more and contact lawyers. Every time I tell them no, I'm fine, I can deal with this. What a dope I am. Obviously these people don't feel the average person is important enough to deal with. Maybe they only know how to deal with lawyers. Which, going back to beginning of this post, is why I have a new found respect toward ambulance chasing lawyers.

Before, I wouldn't want my legs crushed even if I got a hundred million dollars for it. After today, a platinum plated wheelchair doesn't sound too bad.

What now? I'm probably going to have to wait a week to see if Sal has some time in his oh so busy schedule. In the meantime, I'm writing letters. My main topic of these letters is if they don't even care about someone they hit with a bus, how much concern is being shown to the children on the bus?

It was all supposed to be simple. I tried to be nice. They had to make it complicated for no reason at all.

MyNetwork TV = Quitters

First off, I'm waiting for one more thing and Lucky Dawg will be back on track.

On to the main issue, when the UPN and WB networks combined forces to become one channel, it left a small void. This void soon became MyNetwork Television. I had some hopes for the channel. I remembered when Fox and the WB began, they had some cool things on. Then MyNetwork debutted with some kind of soap operas.

Ugh, it's like watching a new business open very close to your house, hoping it'll be something you want (in my case, a comic book store), and it winds up being another cell phone store. What hell are they thinking about opening a cell phone store? They are like a hydra. Close one store, two more open, but they never last longer than a year.

Back on topic, after the soap opera idea tanked, they moved onto other stuff. Like life in prison and revealing magic trick shows. And there was a Flavor Flav sitcom, which can be described as The Fresh Prince of Bel Aire minus the Fresh Prince and the funny plus Flavor Flav. I watched one episode and that was it. That half hour was pretty much the only time I watched MyNetwork, since I didn't need to know what's happening in jail and I don't want magic to be spoiled.

There was also changes going on the CW. They decided they were going to focus on a primarily teen girl programming. This meant the testostrone filled WWE Smackdown was getting the boot, despite being their consistant ratings grabber. So Smackdown and their ratings moved over to MyNetwork.

I have my reason to watch MyNetwork TV. As for the CW, I DVR Smallville, that's it. I'll also watch Reaper when/if/where it comes back.

Now, you'd think with their ratings going upMyNetwork would begin building their programming around the WWE, much like the cable channel Spike did when they had Monday Night Raw. But it was announced this week that MyNetwork is giving up being considered a network.

http://www.broadcastingcable.com/article/173849-MyNetworkTV_Shifts_From_Network_To_Programming_Service_.php

So instead of using their new found ratings to build their network, they are just going to play it safe and play movies and Law & Order reruns. As if there isn't enough Law & Order on TV right now. Go ahead and flip through your channels. I'm sure Law & Order is on some channel right now, along with a Nicolas Cage movie.

If you're going to throw in the towel like that, why not throw on something different than L&O, and I don't mean CSI either. Take some cable series that the rabbit ears only audience have never heard of or watched. Shows like Psych, Battlestar Galactica, Burn Notice, Nip/Tuck, It's Always Sunny in Philadephia, Rescue Me and perhaps editted versions of Entourage. At least attempt to be daring. If you are going down, go down in a blaze of glory.

Preview of the 25th The Fighting Stranger episode

Don't want to spoil too much.

Are you Sirius?!

As I prepare for the NY Comic Con, an email pops up from XM radio. It says:
"Immediate Action Required Regarding Your XM Service"

Now I just paid my yearly subscription last month, so I don't know what this is about. I open it to find out that XM is now going to charge to listen online. Now I can either pay $3 extra a month or order another year on my subscription. I have till March 11th to decide. Hmm, pay $30 for the online or another $140 for an extra year of XM?

I tell you, this whole XM/Sirius merger... wait a minute, this was no merger. When Sirius took over XM, I knew it was going to be a bad thing. How does a company with a worse stock, less subscribers, 2nd in hardware and moronic deals (half a billion for Howard Stern? really?) take over the better company? I can only think the XM big wigs saw the writing on the wall and let them.

This Sirius tumor hanging off my XM sucks. A majority of my favorite channels were changed to Sirius channels and they repeat songs constantly with chatty DJs. Why do I need a DJ to tell me what a song is when it's right there on the screen?

So now Sirius stock is crashing to the point where I could take my Snapple bottle full of change to a broker and buy a hundred shares. And their stock was nothing great to begin with. So now us subscribers have to bail them out, I guess.

I have XM for one reason. Opie & Anthony, love the show. Now the boys have a history of just getting fired for any stunt, so if that day ever comes, out goes the XM. Now I could just say screw the online, my Inno player is right by my computer anyway. But I need the online to play XM through my Iphone. Apparently, they are suppose to come with an App for the Iphone, but Sirius' R&D stands for Retards & Dummies, so who knows when it'll come out.

*sigh* I'll probably just get another year and pull Mel Karmazin's ass out of the fire. This one time.

Preview of The Fighting Stranger page 24

Next week, learn the date and what happened to this world. Plus, C4D feels the need to stretch his legs.

Preview of The FIghting Stranger page 23 and Lucky Dawg issue 3 cover (sort of)

Next week on The Fighting Stranger, the Stranger explains what kind of stuff he remembers.

And next week brings the return of Lucky Dawg. For the preview of the cover, just look up. It's the image I use for the logo.