Friday, March 16, 2012

Phunkin' Photoshop: Making Room

This thing on?

I saw this ad and immediately thought of one of my favorite Schwarzegger line.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Reviewing a Bad Review

I’ve played some Street Fighter II in my day. Can’t say I was any good at it (I wasn’t too shabby with the Marvel versions though). One character I always would pick was E. Honda. He was a strong button mashing character. On those rare occasions where I cornered a player and did the thousand slap move, I would win, then E. Honda would tell his busted face foe:

“Can’t you do better than that?”

Last week my webcomic, Lucky Dawg, was targeted by the website “The Bad Webcomics Wiki”. After a minute of looking at the site, I instantly knew why I was suddenly targeted. I had just begun advertising on the webcomic Exiern. The “reviewer” apparently has hate for this comic because it’s sexual and they have a pay window, so (God forbid!) the creator can make some money. Seeing that I threw a Project Wonderful ad up there, my comic must be “bad” as well. Up on Bad Webcomics Wiki Lucky Dawg goes.

Now Lucky Dawg is up there, but it’s just listed. All the other webcomics on this site has reviews and such on them. Lucky Dawg is just there on a rather blank page with just the “Defining Flaw” being: “Neo-Dark Agean violence excess disguised as a comic.”

I go into this silly statement in a blog post during an update on LD. And in doing so, I had one hope. That my mockery would bait the “reviewer” into writing some more on that blank page. It worked. It made my day.

Gotta say, he didn’t put that much effort into it. Or maybe he did. Maybe he can’t do better than that. I’ll copy & paste:

“Alan Moore surely didn't thought back in 1986 that his groundbreaking deconstruction of the superhero genre Watchmen would set off an avalanche of third and fourth tier copycats rolling over the comic market, burying every classical aspect of the superhero underneath them.

Where classical superheroes were individuals transcending the abilities of the common people, yet always concerned about their sorrows and needs as well as imbued with an indomitable sense of justice, the typical Dark Age Superheroesprotagonists were little more than mindless, musclebound bullies lacking any morals whatsoever who answers to every problem was smashing it to bloody chunks at best and homicidal loons who were downright villains, but could still find some worse to beat up.”

Wow! Mind you, that was only two sentences. If you made the mistake of reading that out loud, I’ll give you a moment to catch your breath from the lack of periods.

Some food for thought, as you suck down that inhaler. He mentions “1986”. Now do you think 1986 is a year he’s lived through or a year he’s only heard of? Hmmm.....

Now, that wasn’t really a review of Lucky Dawg, was it? Merely a general statement on the post-Watchmen modern era of comics. I’m not even sure if that’s a proper representation of Lucky Dawg. Maybe the next sentence will review (don’t worry, it’s a short one):

“Now that the Dark Age Of Comics has ended (or so we're told by the Big Two), you could think comickers had learned rom the mistakes of the past.”

Now learn him!

Is it just me, or does “comickers” sound offensive?

Anyway, I, or anyone else, should not do things because Marvel & DC aren’t doing it? Where is your independent spirit, man? That’s the fun thing about creating. By taking what the big guys are doing and turning it on it’s ear, or going the opposite direction with it. Going to limits they just aren’t allowed to go. Seriously, if you just want to read Marvel & DC, go right ahead. They make excellent comics. Why are you even wasting time online looking at webcomics that aren’t Marvel or DC?

“Cue Adam J. Monetta.”

Yup. That’s my name. My REAL name. I’m not some ominous poster that won’t put his name on his work, even though it tells you exactly how to do it right on top of the page.

“He's… err… some guy. Who wants to make comics really, really badly.”

“Want”? You ding-dong, I am MAKING comics. It’s why you took the time to write this.

“His other crap comic didn't made the cut at Zuda,...”

BZZZT! Wrong again. It did make the cut. That’s why it was on the site in the competition. Zuda chose me. Blood Hunter won the popularity poll.

“ he went basically "I'm gonna show my Magna Opi to the whole Internet, so it can realize my Epicness and I get published professionally! Natch!"

First of all, it’s Magna Opera. Come on, kid! The internet is right in front of your face. Take a minute and Google it.

Secondly, yeah, that’s the point. If you’ve ever been to a “Breaking In” panel at a con or follow CB Cebulski on Twitter, this is how an unknown writer, like myself, does it. I create, then I display. It’s actually a pretty easy concept to understand.

“Way to got, Mister. They chances that your drivel will…”

Hold on. I need a minute to reboot and process this. The gibberish levels are through the roof. Listen, kid, can I offer some advice? Read what you write out loud. It will improve your output greatly. Okay, let’s try this again:

“Way to got, Mister. They chances that your drivel will see a print release not financed out of your own pocket but by some big publisher tend to nil, but I'm going ahead of myself.”

Two words. Robert Kirkman.

Boom! Roasted!

And there you have it. Absolutely no reason was ever given why Lucky Dawg should be on this Bad Webcomics Wiki site. Just a personal attack on me that was rather weak and poorly written. To my would-be “reviewer”, instead of now angrily creating ten more revisions to the Lucky Dawg page, why not just call it a day. You are not good at this, I’m sorry. Instead of being negative, why not give being positive a shot. Actually enjoy something. Who knows, you might be better at that.


Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Phunkin' Photoshop - LiLo in The Grudge 4

Okay, so I guess she's not going to serve the original 90 days. Knowing celebrity justice, she'll be out by Friday.

And yes, there was a Grudge 3. Never seen it myself.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Phunkin' Photoshop - The Human Lots-a-Lots-a-Leggggggs

Every now and then (& going by this blog, it's more "then" than "now"), I have an idea and fiddle around with Photoshop.

You've heard of The Human Centipede and either seen it, want to see it or make believe that you never heard of it, ever. Now own the toy, The Human Lots-a-Lots-a-Leggggggs.

(Note to the kids: Since you never grew up in the 80s, and I don't think VH-1 has covered the stupid stuffed caterpillar, you won't know what it is. Used the Stretch Armstrong head because he looks like a kind of douche that should be connected ass to mouth.)

Thursday, December 31, 2009

2009 was pretty good, the past decade.. ehh...

This past 2009 was pretty good for me. Got an upgrade at work, The Fighting Stranger and Lucky Dawg have been moving smoothly and I actually got through the year without having to make an emergency credit killing huge payment to anyone. Did get hit by that bus though, but that just pissed me off more than it did hurt.

While ’09 was decent enough, the Double-Oh Decade as a whole was kinda “meh”. Worst decade I’ve experience so far. Too young to remember the latter half of the 70s, have some fond childhood memories of the 80s and the 90s were a blast.

Three factors really lead the 00s to be miserable. Bush, 9/11 and Janet Jackson. Bush and the WTC disaster went hand in hand as America has been terrified since 2001. Obviously for a good reason since we still have losers trying to blow their balls off to take down airplanes. Bush used that fear to buy him a second term, which he used to destroy the economy.

Janet Jackson and her stupid nipple sent a wave of censorship throughout entertainment. That edge that was developed during the 90s had to be dulled so it was safe for the kids. Regular radio died because of this. It’s still there, but unless you are under 25 and enjoy listening to the same pop song 25 times a day, it’s really gone downhill. Even my beloved pro wrestling has been made so child friendly that they stop the match if a wrestler accidentally cuts himself.

The past decade was all bad though. The best thing that happened during the past ten years has been technology soaring. Ten years ago, I didn’t think I’d need a cell phone, now I have an iPhone. Big giant bulky TVs and monitors are a thing of the past. Ways to connect with people are evolving and changing every year. And on a creative level, the past decade couldn’t be better.

Webcomics have saved my comic book dream. As a nobody writer with awful artistic skills, I would have no chance in comics ten years ago. I could write a million pitches and the only thing I would accomplish is killing the trees for the paper wasted on those pitches. Ultimately, no matter how good or bad they were, no one would have read them. With the webcomic boom, it is now aware that you can put up pages weekly (heh, hopefully) and people will read them. That is all a true creator can ask for. To be read and/or seen and most importantly, enjoyed. Personally, it’s not about money right now. That can come in time, if ever.

The rise of MMA really helped that violent void that wrestling is currently doing away with. Plus, it’s a legit sport.

Anyway, I’m really looking forward to 2010 and beyond. Lucky & Stranger are quickly nearing the point where I feel it’s time to go to print. I’m going to finally get a website going for them. Not that I’d leave Drunk Duck, but it’s good to have my own brand as well. I also want to do some personal changes to/for myself, but who doesn’t promise themselves that.

So Happy New Year. Hope 2010 is good for you, and if it isn’t, there’s always next year.

Friday, July 31, 2009

A panel preview of the new Zuda project

Yeah, just a panel. I'm cheap that way.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Preview of the main character of my new Zuda pitch

Without giving too much detail right now, I'll just say he's the greatest fighter of his time.

And unlike my last Zuda entry, this one will indeed have plenty of action.